Happy double-dip recession and best wishes for the second great depression

A juicy big pay-rise, another year in paradise, a day off for the New Year, and holidays on the way. But most importantly, the best present of all (unlike the zero amount of gifts I’ve received from home so far; every day I trudge crestfallen from the admin office as my presents have failed to arrive yet again.) is that (hopefully) I’ll be back in Dublin in late January to show off my wodges of Chinese dosh. (I went into a bank looking to buy some Euro, and they laughed; and still they laugh. They asked would I be interested in Monopoly money.) Well, that’s my plan if everything falls into place as it should. Otherwise I’ll be somewhere else trying to get away with it.

They don't really do Christmas here

Yes it may be true that the economy here has been growing at around 200% a minute for the last few years, but inflation has been rising too and now you poverty-stricken Europeans apparently can’t even afford to buy our cheaply and shoddily made goods which means we here in China won’t be as wealthy as we would like to be. Could this be the death knell for the nouveau riche in China? If Chinese people aren’t super-rich then they won’t send their kids at outrageous expense to NIT and I won’t get the monstrous salary I deserve. So stop your whingeing and your worrying and start buying Chinese stuff. They make great Christmas presents. Ah, just to see that child’s face light up on Christmas morning when they open their present and spy the reassuring label ‘made in China’ and they think to themselves, “my parents are sensible and care about the future; I’m the luckiest child in the world. I don’t know what this is but I’m sure I’ll have hours of fun with it because it’s all I have now.”

I don't even know her name. How cool am I?

Having corrected 95 essays I’ve now had to listen to 95 presentations about festivals and ceremonies around the world (though not in China). Even though I listened to every one of them I don’t feel I learnt anything new. Well I guess I did learn some things about Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day (not to mention ‘International Nurse Day’) which were very surprising, or else badly translated. It’s a bit like listening to a Foo Fighters song; (If you’ve no interest or knowledge of the Foo Fighters, and I don’t blame you, you should skip the rest of this paragraph.) the DJ says, “And now the Foo Fighters.” And you say to yourself, “This band is incredibly popular for some reason so I should really listen to this song to hear how good they must be. And 4 minutes later another song has come on and you’re humming away to it and you realise the previous 4 minutes of your life is a complete blank. I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make here but I guess I’ve made it now…or maybe not.

And now that I’ve corrected 95 essays and watched 95 presentations I’m going to have to watch Slumdog Millionaire 4 times over the next few days, and then to cap it all I will have to correct 95 reviews of the movie. So if I do make it back to Dublin in January, don’t anyone even think of asking me what I thought of Slumdog Millionaire….not ever. I just hope it’s a happy ending.

Speaking of movies, I have become less discerning in my selection of movie viewing options recently; if it downloads, I’ll watch it. But I would like to say that, in my humble opinion, Drive is the coolest movie since (the original) Assault on Precinct 13.

The Christmas family portrait

So welcome (belatedly, as in the 6th paragraph) to the festive edition of VB. Oh how I’m looking forward to Friday, saying my goodbyes and wishing people happy holidays, and then enjoying Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and Stephens Day/Boxing Day, or, as we like to call it here in China, Monday. While China is slowly and happily embracing the whole Christmas spirit thing with gaudy lights, trees, and decorations springing up like recently struck oil, it hasn’t stretched to shutting up shop and settling down to a week of dodgy food, dodgy TV, and thinking you’d prefer to be back at work. I guess they feel that the Spring Festival thingy is enough for them. Incidentally, I will happily accept Spring Festival gifts in lieu of Christmas gifts. They like to give ‘red pockets’, which is basically a red envelope full of readies; in case you were wondering.

I shall be dining in the Filling Station on Christmas Day. I only hope this is a proper restaurant and not part of Shell’s attempt to diversify. On Monday at 8.30am while you’re watching another content-free Sky News bulletin and thinking it’s time to call it a day I’ll be back at my desk after just another weekend. So like the aforementioned Sky News bulletin this too is a content-free VB bulletin. It only remains for me to wish you millions out there the best for the last Christmas ever since the end of the world is due in 2012, I think.

My little tree

There you go, 850 words or so of nothing, and no license fee. Now that’s what I call value.

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